Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Belligerent

As I was doing my errands today, I discovered something about myself. Something humiliating, something terrible and frightening.

I am one of those “happy people”! You know what I'm talking about, right? Those people who smile at perfect strangers or hold the door open for someone else after they walk through themselves, even if it means they have to wait until the other person casually strolls up the sidewalk to the door. One of those weirdos who wish everyone they make eye contact with (as well as those they don't) a “Happy New Year” or give the grocery shopper next to them advice on which kind of deodorant works best.

Oh my god, I'm one of them.

I was just getting a cup a coffee for goodness sake! Just standing there waiting patiently for my peppermint mocha, when I heard the woman who ordered after me say she didn't have enough money to pay for her iced latte. So without thinking, I reached into my own wallet, counted out 43 cents, and gave it to her. She thanked me and smiled. The cashier tilted her head to the side and smiled too. Then, when I went to return their smiles, I realized that I didn't have to make one. I was already wearing a stupidly large grin. The worst part was I didn't know where it had come from or how long it had been there!

It was disgusting. So I did what any other true-blooded American would do - I dropped the smile and pushed past the other patrons on my way out the door. I didn't hold it open for the next person coming through. In fact, I closed it on purpose, which wasn't easy because it was one of those safe doors that close really slowly. But I did it. Then I threw a nasty glare to the person I'd just stopped and stormed to my car. On the way home, I cut off as many other drivers as I could and even flipped someone the bird for absolutely no reason.

I reached over to get my mocha from the cupholder and my hand closed around air. The cupholder was empty. I'd left my drink back at the coffee shop.

I just hope that once they realized I'd left without it, they'd given it to the person I closed the door on. Or maybe the driver I'd flipped off was heading to get coffee and she likes peppermint mochas too. She could have it.

Oh crap! There I go doing it again. Maybe that would be a good resolution for New Years – eat healthily, go to the gym, and practice being belligerent.

3 comments:

  1. No, you are just nice despite this fucked up culture
    Nurse Debby

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  2. Nothing wrong with being the nice-guy. And, it makes the others wonder what you are up to. That's the really fun part.

    BTW< there's an award for you over on my blog.

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  3. Golly, thanks. Love your sense of humor. I think that's because it's like mine. :)

    Working on that assignment you've given me.

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