I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

A brilliant writer requested I do this chain-letter-ish thing. Normally, I'd hit delete faster than I can drain a bottle of beer. But, seeing as I currently am on my second bottle, I seem to be doing it. Forgive me, Mom.

I'm supposed to answer each thing with a single word. One-word answers are hard for me in the best of times. Do hyphenated words count? Wish me luck. And if I respond with any embarrassing answers, I'm sorry, Mom.

Your cell phone: Appendage
Your hair: Messy
Your life: Messy
Your mother: Forgiving :)
Your father: Integrity
Your favorite food: Ice Cream (oops, 2 words)
Your dream last night: Forgettable
Your favorite drink: Pina Colada (oops again - 2 words!)
Your dream goal: Published
What room are you in: "Office"
Your hobby: Dreaming
Your fear: Giving up (2 words - couldn't help it)
Where do you see yourself in six years: Successful
Where were you last night: Home (boohoo)
Something you aren't: Speechless
Muffins: Chocolate chip (2 words - dang it)
Wish list item: Agent (really good agent - oops)
Where did you grow up: California
Last thing you did: Beer-run (kidding)
What are you wearing: Shoes
Your TV: Crap
Your pets: Heli
Friends: Generous
Your mood: Unpredictable
Missing someone: Always
Vehicle: Subaru
Something you aren't wearing: Taffeta
Your favorite store: Office Max (one place, two words)
Your favorite color: Red
When was last time your laughed: This morning (2 words, I give up)
Last time you cried: Sporatically
Your best friend: Liz
One place you go to over and over: Laundry room (one place, two words, multiple visits)
Facebook: Infrequently
Favorite place to eat: Sublime

We've just proven that I cannot follow directions, and, despite being on my third beer now, brevity is not a quality I possess. And I really was trying...really.

How I Know I Don't Have Enough Friends...

Or maybe it's that the friends I do have just don't like me enough. Or my family. While I ponder that, I will tell you how I came upon this realization.

It started at my mailbox, I know it's Sunday - no mail, but I forgot to get it yesterday. Thankfully, since I signed up for all of those eco-friendly services to reduce the amount of junk mail I receive, I usually only get enough to fill the mailbox every other day.

On the way back to my door, I went through the letters.

• One big stack of advertisements that, out of principle, I will never look at, much less use.
• A letter from my bank - hopefully a statement and not a Notice Of Changes to my account, which we all know is bank speech for "more expensive charges for every reason we can think of".
• Three envelopes of identical size and return address (no name, just the address) with something hard inside of them, like a credit card.
• And one larger envelope that looked like a Christmas card!

As soon as I got inside, I dumped the ads into the recycling bin and threw the letter from Bank of America onto my desk (okay, I'm not that organized - it was the kitchen table, but it's almost like a desk). Then I sat down, tore open the first of the envelopes that had something inside of it, and peeked in. As soon as I saw what was inside, I squealed - a gift card! It was a gift card! Everyone loves gifts! And I had not one, but three of them in front of me! Who were they from? I pulled out the card and the attached letter. A bit of my glee disappeared as I saw who it was from.

It isn't as exciting to receive a gift card that you sent yourself. I'd traded in some airline miles from an airline I never planned on using again to get three $25 gift cards to a bookstore and two restaurants. It was so long ago, I'd forgotten.

At least I could take myself out to dinner, plus there was still the other envelope that really looked like a Christmas card. So I grabbed that one and ripped it open. It was! It was a Christmas card - not the finest quality, but I'm not picky. It had five different-colored Christmas tree ornaments in a row, hanging from a squiggly line of sparkles. Sparkles make me smile. The words wished me "Happy Holidays"! I wondered what the inside would say (seeing as how sweet the front was). I opened up the card and read:

Enjoy the gift of Netflix

It was an ad, there wasn't even a gift card in it.

Do you know how I'm sure I don't have enough friends. Because I put that card up on my mantel. Right next to the one I'd received from State Farm for Thanksgiving. Then I took myself out to dinner.